there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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