just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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