Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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