We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
