a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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