Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
