Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
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Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
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There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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