you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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