At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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