WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
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He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
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She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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