There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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