Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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