Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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