Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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