is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm like, not good at living.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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