sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
