My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
