So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We need to get me chipped asap
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
