Will you blow on my dice?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
