I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
