Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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