she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
