We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
