No stitches, just platelets and will power
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
