I am puke
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
