I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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