If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
