How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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