# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
