"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
