ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
His hands were made for my vagina.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
