3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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