So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
is it fun? or sober?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
