I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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