so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
this will be a night to untag.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
