It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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