How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
