my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
