Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
