The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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