Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The ass gains better be worth it
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