Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
