hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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