...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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