Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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