ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
