I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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