she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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