i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
