you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
