I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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