So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
