By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.