There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
