You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
