Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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