I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us