Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
