I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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