NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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