dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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