I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
