I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
