i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
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I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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