I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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