it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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