I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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