3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
