My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
