is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
