you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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