a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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