dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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