You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize