I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
