Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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