Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
