I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
