Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just want to make out with him forever
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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