they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
