i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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