So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He better not be in your backpack
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
