....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
